So I Don't Forget

The girls have gone to round with Brian this morning and enjoy an especially sugary breakfast in the hospital cafeteria.  I love that spending precious time with their daddy makes them so excited.  John and I are enjoying the quiet morning with the fireplace roaring and Christmas music playing in the background.  The air outside is in the mid-30s and I am thankful for the heat building up inside from the crackling fire. John is exploring every corner of the house while I watch on with a hot chai latte in hand.  I love watching his boldness and determination as he curiously examines all that he can find.  He is already thoughtful in the way he holds up an object in my direction and grunts at me as if to ask if it's okay for him to have it.  Though, like any young child learning that they have their own will, he does not like to hear the word "no", but he is quick to listen and move on to "ask" if another object is okay to use.  I love learning more about him every day.  At this time of year especially, I am so thankful that he is here, that he is thriving.  Watching his little legs crawl with much greater speed than his sisters ever had doesn't worry me that he will be into everything, but makes me thankful that his body has the strength to move his legs at all.  I am amazed at the miracle of his surgery.  That the artery in his left arm was used to make his aorta stronger.  Because of this he has no pulse in his left arm now.  I often wonder what that feels like for him.  I wonder if he'll someday be able to tell me the difference between the feeling in each arm.  We cannot tell a difference from the outside.  He has such strength in both arms that I sometimes forget that there is even a difference on the inside.  I am amazed at God's creation of our bodies.  Tiny capillaries took over the blood flow to his arm when his artery was sacrificed.  Simply amazing.  God allowed his body to know exactly how to compensate for such a major change.  I love to see such joy in a boy who has been through so much.  And I don't want to forget these moments or take them for granted that they are even allowed to happen.  John is our permanent, physical reminder of God's grace in our lives.  He shows His grace to all of us in infinite ways, but I will never cease to be thankful for the reminder this little boy brings every time I hold him.  It has changed Christmas for us.  It has made my love stronger for our God who came to rescue us in the form of a tiny baby who would grow to be a man who would tell all about our Father and His love for us.  He would grow to be our God in the body of a man who would sacrifice His life so that we may have true everlasting life.  He gave our son another chance to have physical life last Christmas.  And though I praise God for John's healing, my heart longs for his life to be saved yet again.  To have wholeness and healing that surgery can never bring his body. John still has issues with his heart that could possibly lead to another open heart surgery at some point.  I think of it often.  It makes my own heart physically ache and my stomach tighten.  But I know that our God is absolutely good not matter what.  I want John to have physical healing with every part of me, but not more than I pray for his spiritual healing.  December 23rd is the one year anniversary of his open heart surgery.  This year it happens to be on a Sunday.  We will be celebrating this special day with dedicating Elisabeth, Abigail, and John at church.  We can think of no way we would rather celebrate John's physical healing than by publicly praying over him and his sisters and proclaiming our desire for them to know and love and live for the Lord.  Their hearts for Him are our greatest desire.  Only then will any of their hearts be truly healed.  And we praise God that that is His desire too.